If you are a parent of boys, understanding this could help you spot whether your child fits the description so you can help them early. If you are married, this might sound like your spouse. If you are a single person who is dating - you will run across people, particularly men, who are on the spectrum but they may not even know it. It probably isn't visible or as easy to recognize as with Dr. Shaun Murphy on the tv show, "The Good Doctor" who is autistic with Savant Syndrome. But I believe everyone needs to learn to recognize it. Police even need to learn to recognize it so they don't misunderstand a situation involving someone with Aspergers and don’t overreact as they are prone to do. The whole world could stand to be more understanding and patient with people with disorders over which they have no control.
Imagine going through your life with an undiagnosed high-functioning autistic spectrum syndrome that affects every area of your life, makes you different, but you don't know why and neither do others around you. You are probably regarded as being somewhat eccentric, a little odd, or a loner. Why should you know how to spot a man (or woman) who has Asperger’s Syndrome? Relationships are all about communication. Yet, autism spectrum disorders (ASDs), which include Asperger’s Syndrome (AS), are all about communication challenges and lack of emotional understanding, an inability to be empathic, or to read subtle ambiguous cues. Nonverbal communication and social cues will go right by an Aspie. He may have strict routines or rituals and have a hard time with change or transitions. Starting to recognize someone in your life? That wouldn't be surprising. According to the Autism Society, Asperger's syndrome is five times more common in boys than in girls. In recent years, the number of autism spectrum disorders has increased dramatically in the U.S. The most recent studies show that one out of every 110 children in the U.S. has an autism spectrum disorder.
According to the National Autistic Society, autism is an incurable developmental disability, in which one’s ability to communicate and relate to the outside world is impaired, meaning empathy (the drive to identify with others’ emotions), socialising and picking up on social cues, such as subtlety or irony, are virtually impossible. They are often quite brilliant and see connections that others may not see (Small list of people with Aspergers: Temple Grandin, PhD, James Taylor, Bill Gates, Daryl Hannah, Dan Aykroyd, Andy Kaufman, Courtney Love, Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein, Andy Warhol, and Isaac Asimov,to name just a few.)
People with Asperger’s syndrome (typically men) do not possess “Theory of Mind” abilities, which means they aren’t able to recognize and understand the thoughts, beliefs, desires and intentions of other people in order to make sense of their behavior. The result is a person who is “mindblind,” which means blindness to another person’s needs, feelings and desires. This adversely affects the important quality of empathy, which is vital to a successful and fulfilling relationship. Men with Asperger’s Syndrome are not able to recognize their own lack of empathy or their other deficits. They can come across as arrogant. Their speech is marked by the use of “technical” or “scientific” words, or even a “high-brow vocabulary,” like a professor. They often sound pretentious, although at first you may be too impressed to see it that way. They may have found way to cope with too much input or demands for verbal communication by retreating into their own world by, for instance, using earphones to listen to music, etc. or withdrawing to seek solitude and quiet. Some may have discovered a love for extensive traveling because the anonymity of being somewhere they aren't known reduces the demands of social situations and expectations that are uncomfortable or they can't control. They can relax and just be themselves.
They typically prefer nonverbal communication such as texting, chats, and email, finding social phone conversations much too difficult to navigate. Using online dating websites is probably a much easier and more comfortable way to explore the dating world than typical face-to-face venues where the subtleties of non-verbal communication elude and confuse them. They may have very few friends, preferring just one or two good friends. Those good friends usually are able to see the sometimes "child-like" qualities or sense of wonder of someone with Aspergers. They see the loyalty, kindness, naivety, and trust - sometimes too trusting. They just don't easily see guile in people They may also have a much higher level of empathy for others than neurotypical people typically do. They may not be able to recognize where someone is emotionally, but they do see the circumstance they are in and respond accordingly. If they see someone homeless, they will want to help and with consistent naïveté, believe that people are honest and genuine. However, in their areas of expertise, Aspies can be at the forefront of adult thought, showing great independence of mind.
Although Asperger's syndrome is related to autism, people who suffer from this condition do not have other developmental delays. They have normal to above average intelligence, sometimes quite brilliant in an area. They fail to meet the diagnostic criteria for any other pervasive developmental disorder. In fact, people with Asperger's syndrome often show intense focus, highly logical thinking, and exceptional abilities in math or science. Individuals at the most able end of the autistic spectrum have the most hidden form of this disorder, and as a result, these individuals and their family are often the most disadvantaged in terms of getting a diagnosis. Because they have higher IQs, high-functioning adults are able to work out ways to compensate for their difficulties in communication or in social functioning that are based on logical reasoning. If close to someone on the spectrum, you may notice some odd mannerisms of dress. They may prefer wearing the same thing all the time but only do so at home because they do know that's against social rules.
Have you witnessed an "Aspie meltdown" but didn't know what it was? They occur when the person becomes completely overwhelmed, scared, anxious, and temporarily lose control over his or her behavior. This can take the form of shouting, screaming, crying, kicking, lashing out, or head banging. Or it can be the opposite, such as refusing to interact, withdrawing completely or becoming mute. They aren't usually caused by one specific thing. Triggers build up until the person becomes so overwhelmed that they can't take in any more information. Meltdowns are not the same as temper tantrums, although they may appear similar. A meltdown is an intense response to situations that overwhelm one’s coping abilities. The person is literally unable to stop reacting to a complete assault on his or her psychological and physical systems. This is different from not getting one’s way and trying to manipulate people, the essence of temper tantrums. Because a person’s coping ability is overwhelmed during a meltdown, it is largely an involuntary response rather than a willful, intentional act. The person, to a large extent, does not have control over what is happening during the meltdown.
Starting to recognize your child? Your husband? Someone you dated? What a life of struggle they must have, trying to fit in in a neurotypical world. If they are undiagnosed they may suffer from depression or low self-esteem because they don't know "WHY" they don't fit in! The world doesn't quite make sense to them and they don't have the same understanding as someone who is "neuro-typical." How easy it would be to misunderstand - totally - a man such as this and assign to him a nefarious narrative out of ignorance of the truth. A truth that explains everything. Are you starting to "get it" girls? Imagine if this was your son or brother trying to navigate through a very risky and scary dating world. Can you imagine the misunderstandings that might arise with someone who doesn't even "get" subtle social cues like body language, facial expressions, touching, or typical romantic expressions. Your communication has to be black and white - exact. No ambiguity or mixed signals. Know anyone that this sounds like? There are several people I truly hope find this post and read it through - and think about it.
http://heartlessaspergers.com/how-to-spot-a-man-with-aspergers-syndrome/
1 comment:
My son has Asperger's. Not knowing that earlier cost him his life.
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