For some time, well I guess it started just before Thanksgiving, I entered a fugue state and started experiencing dissociative delusions exacerbated by the Ihatetheholidays-somebodyshootme Syndrome, a newly recognized and under-diagnosed mania now recognized by the American Psychiatric Association in its newly released DSM eManual (published by Deck DeTrees, Snow & Holly). The chapter dealing with this Ihate...Syndrome was put together by a panel of experts headed by The Grinch That Stole Christmas (and frankly he shouldn't have given it back - but that's the sick me talking).
I can only imagine, because all the tests haven't come back yet, that the Trifecta of bizarre and surreal events of the last three years has unaligned my chakras and short-circuited my energy field (which totally explains the gray hair come to think of it!) while misappropriating my sanity thereby robbing me of my goodwilltoallmen. So this year I am ignoring the holidays (the doctors think it best) and I have voluntarily self-admitted into a local Ihatetheholidays-somebodyshootme rehab today. With any luck, some powerful magnets, chia pet-therapy, and a drastic new treatment called "Flooding" which is prolonged exposure in a locked room untangling a complicated thousand foot web of old Christmas light strands contributed by The Ghost of Christmases-past, while experiencing total auditory immersion in a looped mixed CD featuring (shudder) Burl Ives singing- Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, The Chipmunks Christmas Favorites, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, Feliz Navidad, All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth, and that nightmare song that just never ends - The Ten Days of Christmas...God I can't go on! It's just too horrible to imagine! But I only just got here and that is the 9th step so I have some time.
Anyway the therapists (who by the way are weirdly all 4 feet tall with high pitched voices and dressed in strange little red pointed hats with bells on their toes) are hopeful that by this time next year, they can help restore me to my previous HappyThanksgivingMerryChristmasHappyNewYear prior self. I've met some other folks just like me here so I don't feel so alone.
I can only imagine, because all the tests haven't come back yet, that the Trifecta of bizarre and surreal events of the last three years has unaligned my chakras and short-circuited my energy field (which totally explains the gray hair come to think of it!) while misappropriating my sanity thereby robbing me of my goodwilltoallmen. So this year I am ignoring the holidays (the doctors think it best) and I have voluntarily self-admitted into a local Ihatetheholidays-somebodyshootme rehab today. With any luck, some powerful magnets, chia pet-therapy, and a drastic new treatment called "Flooding" which is prolonged exposure in a locked room untangling a complicated thousand foot web of old Christmas light strands contributed by The Ghost of Christmases-past, while experiencing total auditory immersion in a looped mixed CD featuring (shudder) Burl Ives singing- Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, The Chipmunks Christmas Favorites, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, Feliz Navidad, All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth, and that nightmare song that just never ends - The Ten Days of Christmas...God I can't go on! It's just too horrible to imagine! But I only just got here and that is the 9th step so I have some time.
Anyway the therapists (who by the way are weirdly all 4 feet tall with high pitched voices and dressed in strange little red pointed hats with bells on their toes) are hopeful that by this time next year, they can help restore me to my previous HappyThanksgivingMerryChristmasHappyNewYear prior self. I've met some other folks just like me here so I don't feel so alone.
They tell me one of the rehabs biggest success stories is this fellow named Ebenezer Scrooge. If Eb can do it I know I can too! I included pictures I took of some of my new friends below. They all say hi.
So, dear ones, please be advised that this year, while at the Holly-Jolly Ranch & Rehab, we will not be celebrating the season, nor giving or opening gifts. I do have every hope of a full recovery before the 2016 holiday season. Oh, by the way, my husband may be joining me for couple’s therapy - he's still in a little denial but I think he'll come around and understand his need to work the program.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Festivus, Merry Winter Solstice, Happy Shopping, May the Force Be With You, Yule tidings, and may the spirit of Kwanzaa bring joy to whatever it's supposed to bring joy to!
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Festivus, Merry Winter Solstice, Happy Shopping, May the Force Be With You, Yule tidings, and may the spirit of Kwanzaa bring joy to whatever it's supposed to bring joy to!
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